Why smart girls play dumb!

The Silly Me Syndrome (SMS) is not a new affliction. Most women, at some point in life, have fallen prey to it. Rachel Fernandes tells you more. Picture this scene: You walk up to that dream dude, introduce yourself and you two hit it off really well. You think, ‘Wow! am I lucky or what?’. Smooth sailing till now. Then bam, right out of the blue he makes a factually incorrect statement or pronounces a simple word wrong or looks at you absolutely baffled when you mention a well-known classic that happens to be your favourite book or movie. But instead of correcting him, you play dumb and pretend it never happened.

And before you relegate this incident as a piece of fiction ladies, stop and think. At some point or the other, you, too, will have experienced a similar incident and reacted in the very same manner. Yes, SMS or Silly Me Syndrome, is a common female affliction, Unfortunately, it could be quite damaging to one’s well being and mental health. So when exactly does SMS affect women? Put simply, it happens when a woman chooses to play dumb just so that she doesn’t offend the man she is out with or the man in her life – boyfriend or husband. Interestingly, there is no start age for this syndrome because women learn to adjust to the intellectual gap from an early age. However, once in a relationship or when they are ready to get into one, the desire to get one from the opposite sex to like them becomes a growing distraction.

“There is a dearth of quality men around and these women know that if they play smart, they will not have as many men as they would like. Hence, they are willing to compromise,” explains Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and counsellor. According to her, this symptom is not restricted to just dating, one also finds women cutting themselves short in the corporate world. “They’ll compromise and allow the man to have an upper hand so as to not lose him, especially if she realises that he has a fragile ego. This is mainly a relationship-saving tactic,” Varkha says. According to clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Seema Hingorrany, it’s mainly insecure women who fall prey to this syndrome. “Though these women know they are intelligent, they are aware of the fact that they are lonely. Also, in an earlier experience, the woman would probably have been told that the man is intimidated by her knowledge, position, behaviour, etc. Hence, even though they find it difficult to play dumb, they do it. They refrain from discussing the kind of books they read or the movies they watch or some serious topic that they know the guy won’t be able to comment on. Many a times, family members pressurise women into not showing their smart side just to impress a potential ‘good catch’,” she says.

Many women have a pre-conceived notion of what qualities their life partner should possess. And often, if the man does not fit the bill, he’s out of reckoning. However, experts warn that while average intelligence is a must, one should not set very high benchmarks and expect the other person to be a replica of themselves. As for the effects of this behaviour, Varkha says that if a woman is doing it to save a relationship, it will not affect her. “However, if she feels compelled to do it way too often, she will eventually begin feeling bitter and resentful,” she adds.

Seema adds that women who are constantly forced to downplay their smartness and intelligence are always stressed out and in a high anxiety mode as they are fully aware that they cannot be their actual selves. “That apart, in the search for intellectual stimulation and satisfaction, they may end up cheating,” she adds.