So your long-term relationship didn’t work out. If you’re a man at sea, here are some handy tips on getting back into the dating game
Along-term relationship can give you a lot – love, companionship, sex on tap (if you are lucky) and when it ends – a whole lot of heartbreak. Life goes on, but getting your dating groove back can be a daunting task. Use these tips from life coach Malti Bhojwani and catch the many “fish in the sea” that your friends keep talking about.
Calm before the storm: The mourning period after a longterm relationship differs from person to person. “There are five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Once you are over these five stages, it’s time to see what all fuss around being single is about,” says Bhojwani. Now, while checking a woman out, if all you can think is of how jealous your ex is going to be, or hanging out at your ex’s regular joint hoping to see her just once, are tell-tale signs that you’re not ready to move on.
Time to clean ’em cannons: It was great being comfortable with the person you love. You didn’t care about the hole in your boxers, could break wind and dinners could mean home-delivered Chinese goodness. It changes when you are on the ‘market’. If you’ve put on weight, hit the gym, and if the Chronicles of Narnia can be shot on your face, it’s time to get rid of the stubble. Malti advises, “To assume that we still want the same things is silly. You are in a different phase of your life. Allow yourself to meet and explore different people, to learn what you like now.”
The first thing to do is to hang out with single friends. The fact is that single people attract other single people. The chances of you meeting someone are higher. Also, be ready to watch your bank balance disappear faster than the Greek economy. Dating is expensive, set aside money every month.
Cast ye sails: Your concept of the ideal partner has to change. There is a reason why your relationship didn’t work. Don’t compare your new date with the ex. And if you find too many similarities, think again. Bhojwani feels that people in Mumbai don’t understand the concept of dating. It doesn’t need to end up with the two of you in the sack together. Your long-term relationship could have eroded a lot of your personality. The beauty of dating is to get to know yourself. Don’t commit to any woman. Make your date know that the relationship is not exclusive. You know how bad heartbreak can be. Don’t subject someone to it so soon. Find that lost charm, flirt a lot and have a good time.
You are just out of a committed relationship, you don’t need another now. Catch any kind of fish you want. If you have this ‘friend’ who is really hot, but can’t talk about anything other than shoes. You would’ve never gone out with her, but you are just looking. Date, maybe there is more to her than a shoe fetish.
Navigate the rough seas: Dating is primal. Courtship requires that a man hunt for a mate, women in most cases will not approach you. A charming man is a sexy man. Smile, be confident and women will notice you. If you can’t find the courage to approach a woman at a party, use the miracle of social media. Don’t say ‘I want to be your friend’ or ‘Make frandship with me’. This never works, face-to-face or online. Be direct and say, ‘We met a couple of nights ago, I found you really interesting and want to get to know you better. How about dinner next week?’ This puts your intent forward. If she is interested, she will chose a day to go out the next week and not keep you hanging. Most importantly, take her for dinner. Not lunch, not coffee, but dinner.
Dinner opens opportunities a chance to get drinks, great conversation and maybe even a kiss. Don’t go dutch, always pay on your first date. Every date will offer you something different. Choose what you want, and don’t jump when it comes to making a decision.